Sheri Teh Min Ru
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
oh , i feels like i have absoulutely nothing to blog about now ,
cause so many things are ringing in my head.
its like im passing through this timeline of mine ,
& i constantly revisit them & problems start cropping up at every point .
so many varieties of problems & im not even sure if varieties is the correct word to use.
when the world seems so perfect , you slowly realise it isnt.
all my life , i look at people & say theyre happy when i see a smile on their faces.
but never would i really know whats going on deep down inside.
how i wish i was a tiny little ant ..
& i would crawl through their nostrils ..
down to the heart ..
& listen to it .
hah . like that will ever happen .
there isnt really anybody there to tell you what to do , the correct thing to do ,
except , ofcourse , god .
but god seems so far away now.
i dont think i feel him anymore.
idk how i think or feel about him .
but i know there is a god around here.
i need somebody to tell me, to lead me.
but nobody's there .
my family looks like its falling apart now.
my friends , well , they seem to be always there for me.
but they can never really understand the full me.
what im thinking , how im feeling , whats bothering me.
parents . theyre supposed to be doing whats best for the child.
but it seems they dont really understand me at all .
they disagree to what i wanna do , they dont except what i tell them i am.
its true i cant eat in the morning.
its true i cant eat after exercising heavily.
they dont think so . do people who understand you doubt you ?
i dont think so .
i wanna do this , do that , just like anybody.
but whos stopping me , my parents.
who scolds me when im already so down & they cant see it ?parents.
but , they are the people who loves you no matter what happens ,
whether youre disfigured ,
whether you upset them ,
whether you are a murderer ,
whether you are lost ,
whether you lost all your friends ..
so manyy you cant count .
they are the ones you know will never leave you because they are
the people who brought you into this world .
WAIT A MINUTE .
where did the 'but' come from .
im supposed to be venting out my feelings .
maybe i know that it is not fair to say that of them.
thats why i brought in the 'but' .
hhhhmmmmm , see ? i dont even understand myself .
who does ?
i love my parents no matter what they do anyway .
god , when will this madness end?
sometimes , it seems that friends seem to understand you more than your parents.
isnt that supposed to be wrong ?
why does it have to be that way ?
i dont understand .
theres this secret that ive told some ,
but i dont show out how i feel.
i believe that you dont have to show how you feel to others &
gain sympathies & what not from others .
i believe in putting on a brave and strong front & carry on with life ,
but sometimes , i allow myself to leak a little .
why pull down the others with you?
YES . i just promised myself that , whatever happens , im gonna smile my way through .
even if i spilled milo down my favourite blouse ,
bird shit falls on my head ,
friends abandon me ,
problemsproblemsproblems ,
im gonna look at the bright side of life & smile . (:
people im thinking of right now .
Trina (:
Tricia (:
Jerlyn (:
Huiying (:
theyre just the people i think of recently who mean so much to me .
Trina & Tricia are probably the people thats hurting my heart most right now.
they hurt me so bad they dont even know it .
that message i sent wasnt even replied.
they are truly true friends i will never meet ever again in my whole entire life
whom i lost . i want them back do badly . but i cant .
if i had a wish , i would wish for them .
Jerlyn is somebody i quarrel & play so often with , we tell each other how we feel about blahblahblah , shes like a really close sister to me . shes somebody i truly treasure alot in my life .
Huiying is my best arm partner i can ever have. She is most thoughtful , sweet & caring . She never throws you away for a new toy she finds . never . (:
iloveallofyou .
ohoh , its 8 minutes to midnight now , & the lights are gonna auto off, leaving me in complete darkness .
gtg now , see you later , shitzxomozarellas . (: